(Knights of the Old Republic)
as told by: Revan
Ivy clung tightly to the crumbling walls of the Jedi Enclave Ruins on Dantooine. Bright beams of sunlight poured in through the large holes in the stone roof. Masonry lay in piles on the floor, illuminated by the errant light. No one tended the decrepit halls anymore. Everything remained ruined as a haunting tribute to my actions. I sucked in a frightened breath and brushed the dust off my old, brown Jedi robes. It had been over five years since I had been here last, and that was before it was laid to waste. All my fault, everything for the past decade has been my fault. I slowly walked down the hallway that used to lead from the spaceport. I reached the first door, still sealed closed. I sighed and hung my head. I closed my eyes and for a second pondered the thought that I should of entered from Khoonda. But no, I need to enter through the same way I entered eight years ago, the same way I entered when I was just five years old as well. Each time I passed through this door, not know what was going to be on the other side. It seems that I shall be thinking that yet again.
I lifted my head a bit and looked over to my left. For a fleeting moment my mind's eye saw a green twi'lek standing there by the door's edge. I shook my head slightly and ran my fingers over a groove running from my shoulder up the back of my neck. The scar still made my neck pinch from time to time. 'If only I had listened' passed through my head, a frequent thought as of late.
I sighed and raised my hand up into the air, snapping my fingers loudly. I turned my head to look down the slanted hallway at my companions."Carth! Bastila! Whenever you two want to speed up, I'd be happy!" I called back to them. I shook my head, laughing silently at them. I twirled my lightsaber hilt on my wrist in my off-hand as I bumped the door with the palm of my hand. The tell-tale pneumatic hiss came from the edges and the door slid open. I barely made it out the door two steps before I felt a hand on my shoulder pull my aside. My mind blanked and reflexes I couldn't explain triggered and my right hand shot out and held my assailant by the throat against the wall, my left hand gripping my orange lightsaber and angled it at his face. My mind triggered the Force to slam the doors close next to us. I blinked and took him in quickly. A green twi'lek held there a foot off the ground in my grip. Basic brown Jedi robes with a generic lightsaber on his belt. What struck me at the time just as much as it does now, was the absolute fear in his eyes. I could see my reflection in his widened eyes. I released him and deactivated my lightsaber, both of my arms dropping to my side. "I'm sorry," I told him, hanging my head. "I acted out of relfex and out of reason," I told him.
"I apologize for startling you so, Padawan Lyliana,"
Him using that name snapped me out of my reverie. I took the step to my left and placed my hand on the corner of the wall and the door where he was. He believed the lie. Like nearly everyone I met, he believed the lie. I believed the lie. He called me Lyliana, the name the council gave me when the wiped my memories, made me forget myself and become their pawn. I slammed my hand down on the wall, causing me to wince at the cracked stone I left under my fist. The rest of the tale came back to me and I relaxed. Had the council not stepped in and done that, nothing would of turned me from that path of destruction and violence. I sighed dejectly, realizing once again, the council was right. I ran my hands through my long red hair and shook it loose, looking back over my shoulder at the door. He thought I was just a normal young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Hell, I thought that at the time, too.
--he said to me, giving me a slight bow. "My name is Deesra and I merely believe the Force was directing me to warn you," he stated. I looked at him oddly. "You are going on a mission for the council, no?" he asked me.
Trepidation met my lips as I struggled to find the right words. "The council, they asked, no, they never ask, the disallowed me to talk about the mission," I said carefully. It was quite amusing, I just threatened him with my lightsaber and yet I was nervous about mincing words. Flew in the face of sense if anyone asked me, but nobody did. I didn't even ask me.
"I am, by no means, asking you to divulge what the council judged to be a secret, I merely present you with a warning," he stated again, his composure and posture never changing from simply relaxed.
"What kind of a warning, Jedi friend?" I asked him, still trying to cover up for before. I felt my mind reach out and touch his gently, as if politely asking for information. I didn't even know I could do that at the time. He gave me a fatherly smile and in my mind's eye, I saw images. Images of a great bi-pedal beast with enormous claws and more plating than a star cruiser.
"Beware the terantatak, Padawan Lyliana, as they are the greatest hunters, for we are their prey," he explained, his expression growing dark. I balked at his words and the door beside hissed open again.
"Whenever you'd like to speed up, Lyli, let's get going," Carth said to me with a smirk. I laughed lightly and nodded my thanks to Deesra before heading up the ramp to the Ebon Hawk. My mind reached out unconsciously and touched Bastila's. Her mind instantly shut down and I could feel her glare in my back. Before she could block me out, however, I saw one image: Darth Revan.
I'm sorry Deesra. I shook the memory from my head and pushed the button on the door's centerpiece and received no response in return. I figured as much, there was no power in the upper levels of the Enclave. I placed my palm over the controls and put a small jolt of electricity through the system. The doors hissed pneumatically and opened halfway. I spread my hands outward and pushed the door open fully through the Force. The down-sloping hallway was clear so far and I walked slowly, running my fingertips on the wall to my right, feeling all the cracks on the metal surface and rubbing off the dust in their path. I turned the corner and saw that the passageway had collapsed. I could see the various, busy Jedi passing through this hallway, both from my childhood and my retraining. None of them ever having a word to say to me. At the time, it was offensive, but now it seems only sad. On top of the rubble came sunlight streaming in from yet another hole in the roof. Through the force, I lifted the rubble up against the ceiling, to allow me to pass. I looked down on ground from where the rubble lay and saw a skeleton there, clad in blue Jedi robes. I sucked in a startled breath and set the rubble against the wall in a pile. My feet slowly and hesitantly made their way to the body. Without close examination, I hazard a guess that it was male since a male Jedi in blue robes seemed to frequent this hallway. I knelt down next to the remains and looked into its skeletal eyes. I could almost see his lightly tanned skin, his hardened blue eyes and his short black hair. I never knew his name, but he never had time to tell me.
I stood up shakily and made my way past his body to the next turn and saw that the doors at the end of the hallway had been destroyed, parts of the metal strewn about the courtyard it used to guard. I walked past the door and once again felt my feet freeze up and my head turned to the left this time. A young Padawan, by the name of Belaya, had stopped me here before my retraining, while I was still Lyliana.
"You there! Padawan!" a sharp, crisp female voice called out as I jogged past the hallway doors. The Jedi Council had summoned me, and even though I wasn't a Jedi at the time, I didn't want to aggravate them. I turned to regard her but noticed that the woman was staring right at me. I stood and looked at her curiously for two reasons, one: I wasn't a Padawan, and two: why did she have such a look of disgust on her face? I had showered since the Taris sewers, so I knew I didn't have some foul stench about me. "Why are you not wearing the customary robes of the Jedi? Do you mock the honored traditions of our Order?" She spat at me accusingly. I took a deep breath to calm myself so I won't fly off the handle at the woman. I straightened out my black vest and looked her in the eyes, trying to be as personable as I could be. "I believe you are mistaken," I told her, but my nice tone had a clipped quality to it. "I am not a Padawan, I am simply Lyliana. I came here with Bastila," I said sincerely, simply omitting everything she had told me about my own latent abilities.
"Bastila? The Padawan with the foolish pride in her own powers? I'd be pickier with my friends if I were you. Also, you claim not to be a Padawan? How can that be, a woman such as you with the Force so abundantly prevalent within you. If this is some type of jest, it is in very poor taste. The Order is not a subject for jokes," she shot at me, her eyes showing much contempt. At this point, I didn't have much interaction with Jedi, but I was fairly sure this was not how they were supposed to act. So much anger in her, it confused me.
However, my own control wasn't something to be glorified. I gritted my teeth and took another deep breath to calm myself in front of her. I had to convince myself that she was a Jedi and simply pulling out my hold-out blaster and frying her was not suitable for the situation. I forced a belabored smile onto my face and locked eyes with her. "I'm telling you the truth," I said curtly. My posture was tense and my left hand remained clenched while my right hand rested on the hilt of my blaster.
The woman blanched and gave me a slight bow, her body apologetic. "Please forgive the abruptness with which I first greeted you. It was harsh, and perhaps unfair. I wish you a pleasant stay here on Dantooine. May the Force be with you," she told me and with that, turned on her heel and walked away briskly.
I ran through my much shorter that current red hair and watched her go towards what I soon found out to be the dormitories.
I walked around the rubble of broken fountains and the burnt trunk of the great tree that once resided at the center of the courtyard. It greatly saddened me to see the dead carcass of that tree, it somehow represented the great lack of life within these hallowed walls. I took a left and met another hallway, the doors opened in much the same way as I had coming out of the ruined spaceport. I glanced upward and saw the beautiful, clear Dantooine sky. The sun was setting, just barely sinking below the rim of the Enclave center court. Exactly how it was when I was five, exactly how it was when I first arrived five years ago. Somehow, this bit into me the hardest and I just stared into the sun, nearly crying. So much death, so much had happened in the thirty-two years of my life, all this starting at this place, twenty-seven years ago. I shook this way, needing to progress further. I glanced back at the dormitories, directly across from the spaceport. I had wanted to go to the Council's chambers first, but my feet carried me over to the damaged hallway.
Half of the doors had been destroyed by rubble and the stone door frame had collapsed on that part, leaving only have of an unresponsive door left. I gently used the Force to push it aside and I walked up the ramp to the turn. There, in pieces lay one of the Enclave droids. Always impersonal and cold to us. Before my first birthday here at the enclave, I had learned that it wouldn't talk to any child. "I cannot render assistance, child. Now move along," was all it would ever tell us. I scoffed at shook my head at the droid. I learned when I came back after Taris, all it would tell me was: "I cannot render assistance, citizen. Now move along,". Then when I became a Jedi, "I cannot render assistance, Padawan, move along,". Even before the Mandalorian Wars, when I was deemed a Jedi Knight it said the same thing, but substituting 'Padawan' with 'lady Knight'. When I became a Jedi Watchmen before the War, a title that ranked up with Master, I was simply 'lady Watchman'. I turned left and walked up the small incline before reaching the ruined dormitories. I entered my section and past the first door for the second, mine and Michael's room. To this day I am confused why they have no moral qualms about bunking a boy and a girl together, especially during the teenage years. I assume it had something to do with the fact that they believed we'd follow the 'no romantic attachments' edict. That failed.
I waved my hand in front of the door and Forced the doors open abruptly, looking in at the dusty room with only two beds, and two footlockers. One for each of us. I walked over to the right-hand bed and dropped down onto it, sitting still for a moment before leaning against the wall. My eyes closed and I got lost in yet another memory of this place.
The five year old me knelt before my footlocker, rifling through the various robes in different colors the Council gave me. One orange one, one blue ones, three light tan ones, and three brown ones. I saw the various boots and other parts of the 'uniform' I was required to wear. They even demanded that once I change into said robes I relinquish the clothes I was wearing. I heard the door open and glanced back over my shoulder, brushing my long hair in the process. A five year old boy walked in after being prodded in the back by an older Jedi. The door hissed shut behind him and I saw him drudge his way to his bed, dropping down onto it and laying back. I kept regarding him curiously until he lifted his head up and did the same with me. His brown hair flopped in front of his face so he shoved it aside.
"So you're my new 'best friend'?" he asked me, shooting the door a dirty look, I could only assume he directed that towards the Council, since they had told me as well that I would be receiving the same. He sat up and swung his legs over the end of the bed, sizing me up. I stiffened and rocked back onto my heels before standing up, kicking my footlocker lightly to make it close.
I raised a brow at him and looked back defiantly. "Is there a problem?" I shot at him. I crossed over to my bed and sat opposite him, leaning back on my hands. "Cause boys only slow me down," I told him arrogantly.
A grin washed across his face and he leaned back as well. "Nope, no problem. I just hope you can keep up," he replied. My grin matched his. "I just hope there's more to you than red hair and pretty gray eyes," he add, trying to get a rise out of me.
He nearly did, but I bit the hot retort back and smirked. "Well, I've been hoping there's more to you than messy brown hair and hazel eyes," I answered back.
"Michael," he said, leaning forward and holding out his hand.
I smiled, leaned forward and took his hand. "Revan," I replied.
"Well then, nice to meet you, new best friend," Michael said back to me, pushing his hair out of his face again. I nodded my agreement.
I smiled wistfully, not because I lost him, he was aboard the Hawk, waiting for me to come back from my trip down memory lane, but wistful because of the innocence we had then that we lost in the wars to come. He was always by my side, there to protect me if need be. I sincerely wish that things had gone differently. But so do all that live to see such times. That is not for us to decide, we can only make the most of the time that has been given.
I remained on my bed, floating about two inches above. My legs were crossed in the traditional meditation style and my hands were resting on my knees. There is no Emotion, there is Peace. But that isn't true, Master Vrook constantly gets angry at me. Master Dorak always gets worried when I start asking too many deep questions, and always responding with: "____ year old girls shouldn't be so concerned with this sort of thing,". Just fill in the blank with whatever my current age is. Most recently, eleven. Past six years I have been hearing that. It's like they are afraid of me learning. Master Zhar always seems so happy when I get something down, especially if the normal age to learn it is twice mine. So if there is no Emotion, there is Peace, why do they always exhibit emotion?
I sighed and decided to move on. There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge. But that makes no sense either? Because I'm always trying to learn more and become less and less ignorant and the Masters keep trying to forbid me from learning. Apparently there is no Ignorance unless the deem it pertinent. I bristled with indignation at that thought and felt the sheets of my bed brush my left leg. I centered myself again and reminded myself that I was merely a Padawan and they were Masters, I should not argue with them on such things.
Moving on. There is no Passion, there is Serenity. I inwardly balked at this and hit the bed. There is no Passion, there is Serenity. There was absolutely nothing Serene about myself and Michael. For three months now it had be strictly passion whenever I thought of him. I feel that I wasn't lying to the Masters about myself and him, since it was obvious they already knew. They just never brought it up, so neither did I. It wasn't exactly forbidden for us, just merely frowned upon. I could tell he and I were easily on their watch list, which was also unfair. Understandable, but unfair. Romantic entanglements can cloud judgment.
Next part. I took a deep breath and concentrated again and floated back up a few inches. There is no Chaos, there is Harmony. I furrowed my brow in confusion. No Chaos? Everything is Chaos. Throw a handful of sand in the air and it lands where it will. No one but and Master Vandar seemed to have a near Harmonious mind, and he never seems to do anything at all. It would seem, in fact, that Chaos is what makes us strive to do better, to become more than what we already are. Chaos is what makes the world ######move######. Perhaps, and just perhaps, that is simply the way of the Jedi to try to calm as much of the chaos as possible, to be able to make the right decisions in a Chaotic world. If one were to give into Chaos, everything would be clouded and uninterpretable. But if one focused it down, threw out all the outliers and were able to find some level of Harmony in life, the path would be laid clear.
There is no Death, there is the Force. I could easily come to terms with absolutely everything in the code except for that. It is a giant leap of faith to believe that. I guess that only way I could believe that is looking at nature. A Kath Hound dies in the fields here on Dantooine, the body decays to simple bones or is eaten by other creatures. Flowers and tall grass grow on the spot of the dead Hound, or the food gives other creatures the energy to survive. Everything flows into one another, which is exactly how it feels to reach out in the Force. Interesting.
I was snapped out of my mediation by the door to our room flying open. In stormed Michael, a few tears in his dark teal robes, a custom color by him. Everyone by Master Zhar and myself found them appealing. Master Vrook tirades about this being the first step into darkness. He threw bag against the wall and stood hunched over, his entire body tense. His Padawan braid swung back and forth in front of him as he took deep breaths in order to calm himself. Finally, after about a minute, he looked over at me with a small, forced smiled on his face. "Want to go to the training room? I feel like sparring," he told me. I raised a brow at him. "Please? I don't want to talk about the mission I just finished, can we just go?" he asked. I hardened my look at him. "Fine, I'll tell you on the way over if you agree to go," he said, crossing his arms.
I shrugged and landed on my bed before hopping to my feet, my hand outstretched to my footlocker which opened and my lightsaber flew to my hand. "Start talking, Michael," I told him as we headed out of our room and immediately turned right.
"Well, the Council sent me out to deal with the Sandrals and the Matales again. We are all so sick and tired with their damn feud!" he exclaimed, looking at me with a hint of exasperation. I nodded and rubbed my temples in remembrance of my last trip out there. "So, I went out there to hear what that damn Nurik had to say,"
"So," I prompted, looking him up at down, seeing the matted blood for the first time on the tears of his robe and the blood on his temple dried from a cut presumably on the side of his head. "What the hell happened to you?" I asked bluntly, lightly running the fabric of my orange robes through my fingers, then brushing the cloak out behind me to stop it from catching on my legs.
"Well, that old bastard Nurik told me Alhan Matale was trying to breed and tame Kath Hounds to destroy him and his family," he explained, nodding again when he noted my bewildered expression. "So, I headed out on that damn hike to that damn Matale estate and knocked on the damn door. Alhan opened it and decked me, right on sight!" My expression grew more bewildered. "I know! It came so fast that I hit the ground and the damn plating on the damn track of the damn door cut my head!" I started to giggle at his obsessive use of the word 'damn'. "What?" he asked confrontational to me.
I put up my hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, Mikey, but do you know how many times you've used the word damn in the past couple of minutes?" I asked him, he didn't respond.
"Anyways. I jumped up and drew my 'saber, but didn't turn it on. I demanded an explanation and he said it was more evil that Nurik set upon him. Damn old crazy bastard. I told him the charges and he said it was harassment and that he'd be telling the Council about this. Now," he said, looking at me seriously. "You know what a Kath Hound's howl sounds like?" he asked rhetorically, we only just grew up on the only planet in the galaxy that has them. "Could you identify it anywhere under any circumstances?" he asked me, his tone mounting in tension and the frustration built in his eyes. I nodded again. "I heard that bloody howl coming from inside his estate! That damn bastard tried to lie to my face!" he exclaimed. "So I told him to move and I pushed past him, 'saber on. I followed the sound to the source and could tell that it was coming from behind the door. I did the whole stretch out thing with your feelings and felt two Kath Hounds behind the door, small ones. So, I turned on Alhan and he looked fearful. I told him I need visual conformation and he needed to open the damn door. He refused and I raised my blade towards the door. That made him cave and he opened and ran. I wondered why he ran when I was tackled by two furious Kath Hounds! I had to kill them both, but they did give me a good ripping. I had to damn heal myself on the way back. Already told the Council," he finished explaining to me. I shook my head and opened the door to the training center. His story took the entire walk from our room to the center.
We walked in and bowed lightly to our Master, Master Zhar before taking our place on the mats. I spun my saber as it activated, glowing a bright yellow, lightly reflecting the color of my eyes over the past year. They went from gray to a tan, now getting a bit lighter and more yellow. Michael's eyes when from brown to muted blue. Master Dorak said its rare for two people who are as close and Michael and I to have the type of eyes that reflect the force through us. I was a Sentinel while he was a Guardian. Yellow and blue. He drew his two 'sabers and clicked them on, twin blue blades shining. I looked at him worriedly. "You've been through hell today, Michael, you sure you want to spar?" I asked him.
He nodded. "I want to, but if Master Zhar suggests otherwise, then I'm not changing my mind," he said, looking over my shoulder at our Master, I glance back to see his reaction as well. Master Zhar nodded and gestured for us to continue.
I stood there, still as the grave, only my eyes moving as I followed his approach. He was going to take this fast and hard and for once my life, I was eternally grateful for the energy suppressors in the room that would make it so his 'sabers only burn, not kill. He feint right and then left, then partial right before feinting left again. Both his 'sabers came down over his head at me and threw mine up to block it. I felt all the strength in him pushing down on me and my own arm starting to give. I rolled out of the way and swung quickly at his exposed neck. He ducked and came up quickly, swinging both his 'sabers in an 'x' pattern. I barely back flipped out of the way in time. In my flip I noticed I was too close to the wall and planted my feet on it. I kicked off with all my might and tackled him, holding my blade right up to his through. "You trust me that much?" I asked him with surprise.
"I'd follow you to the end of the galaxy, as long as your mine," he told me. I smiled and got up off him, helping him up. Master Zhar gave up an approving nod.
I turned and left my room abruptly, walking quickly through the decrepit halls until I reached the dead stump of the great tree, my boots clacking on the stone tiles and metal plating as I walked. Night had fallen on the academy and I looked up at the sky.
"Why are you so against me becoming a Knight?" I asked Master Vrook, exasperation on my face. "It is common knowledge that I have far surpassed ninty percent of the Knights here and on Coruscant!" I exclaimed, turning away from him and staring up at the Dantooine night sky. Something clicked in my memory banks. "In fact, I remember Master Vandar discussing with Master Zhar while I was in the room that I even rivaled some Masters on the Council. I brought this up with Master Kavar and he said that I surpassed any Watchman he had ever known, yet I remain a Padawan, why?" I asked him again.
"You are only sixteen, Revan! You have this blind ambition to get better and better that is merely a perverse race against Padawan Michael! It was because of you that he was sent to live and train on Coruscant. If you had respected our code and not entered into such a relationship with him, he would still here. But even now, five years later, you refuse to see your own fault, that is why you will never be a Knight," he said angrily, storming away from the courtyard, leaving me fuming.
I laughed bitterly at the memory. It is an easy thing to hate the living, and I much hated Vrook, he made my life hell. But, it is wrong to hate the dead, now that he has passed, I feel that I cannot hate him. The fact that he was murdered by a Sith in the name of justice makes me sick inside. I do not agree with their decision to strip away the Force from Michael again, even as a ploy to lure Darth Traya out of hiding, but she killed them, saying that Michael was precious to her cause. I snorted in disgust. Three, good Masters murdered in a time where they were needed most. Master Kavar died. The only time a death notice hit me as hard as Master Zhar's death. I turned right and walked through the open doors and then hung a left again, approaching a beaten and worn set of double doors. I paused in front of them, knowing that the Council's chambers were on the other side of these doors. Every time I was summoned to these chambers, my life changed. First, it was my induction into the Order as an Apprentice. Then, becoming a Padawan. Next, well, becoming a Jedi Knight.
"On behalf of the Councils of Dantooine and Coruscant, I, Jedi Master Kavar, would like to bestow upon you the title of Jedi Knight," he said to me. I remained bowing on one knee in front of him, my head down, staring at the ground. "Please, Jedi Knight Revan," he said kindly to me. I stood in a fluid motion, my dark orange robes flowing behind me. He leaned in a bit and whispered to me. "I highly expect we'll have a repeat of this ceremony soon for your advancement to Jedi Watchman," he told me. I grinned at him and gave him another bow, my eyes sweeping across the conjoined council gathered here on Dantooine. Master Dorak, Master Zhar, Master Vandar, Master Vrook, Master Zez Kai-Ell, Master Vash and Master Atris. Master Vrook still had the look of disapproval on his face when he looked at me and I felt my blood simmer a little bit at that. I looked over at Master Atris and saw something unfamiliar there, admiration. I had no idea why a Jedi Master would admire me.
"Thank you, to all the Masters present and otherwise that have made me what I am today, and made me worthy for this honor," I told them. They all nodded in concurrence, all but Master Vrook. I tried to not let it get to me that badly, but the irritation he caused in me was threatening to be too great. I straightened myself even further and looked at directly at Master Vrook. "And I would like to give special thanks to Master Vrook, as he taught me to persevere and succeed in the face of all adversity. If it wasn't for him, I most likely would of slipped into complacency and never reached this point today," I said truthfully, secretly gloating that his bold statement about me never attaining this rank a little over a month ago had been proven false. The look of surprise and annoyance on his face remained ever frozen in my memory from that moment on.
I took another calming breath and used the force to open the doors in front of me, showing me the desolated Council chambers, now overrun with plant life. Tall grass filled the central amphitheater and ivy clung to the walls. The sky light had been destroyed the twinkle of glass shards in the grass gleamed in the soft moonlight. I took a few steps in and images of my induction and each promotion flashed through my head. My breathing grew erratic as the emotions overran my control. I choked back as much as I could until I saw three skeletons with deteriorating Jedi robes and gear adorning them. I nearly broke down. These bodies weren't just random bodies, they were three Jedi Masters I knew. Masters Vrook, Zez Kai-Ell, and Kavar. All murdered in the same stroke by Darth Traya, another Jedi Master I once knew, before she fell to the Dark Side. Michael had told them all about her and what she was trying to do and they agreed to help and set the trap for her. But they were unprepared for what she could do and killed them all in once swift stroke. None of this would of happened if I hadn't fell. Malak wouldn't of been brought down with me, he wouldn't have betrayed me, the council wouldn't of reprogrammed me, Bastila wouldn't have fell. I wouldn't of killed Malak. Scion wouldn't have been born out of the ruins of my war. Nihilaus wouldn't of lost all humanity in a lust for power after i stripped it from him in my war. Visas Marr wouldn't of suffered so greatly under his power if I hadn't created him. All the Jedi and Miraluka on Katarr wouldn't of died if Nihilaus didn't exist. Michael wouldn't of lost his connection to the Force and developed that dangerous power of his if I hadn't commanded him to execute the Mass Shadow Generator. Dantooine wouldn't be in ruins. Telos wouldn't be in ruins. All the old Masters would be alive today and training new Jedi. There would be a Jedi Order. All of this was my fault, but I was so eager and shortsighted. So many lives, so much blood on my hands. I collapsed onto the ground and into the grass, the shards of glass digging into my legs and hands. I finally broke down and cried. After nearly thirteen years since the Mandalorian Wars began and I went on the warpath, everything hit me at once. What have I done?
"C'mon, get up," I said, kicking Malak's bed, still displeased at my choice of replacement roommate, even after eight years of dealing with him. I threw my stuff into my satchel and kicked his bed again. "Get up!" I commanded him. He roused, rubbing his eyes and running a hand over the two tattoo's on his bald head.
"What is it? It's gotta be four in the morning," he pointed out, gesturing to our clock. I frowned and shot out a arc of electricity from my fingertips, destroying the clock.
"Never mind that, I got us a shuttle to Coruscant. I rounded up twenty Jedi Knights and we're taking them to the Senate to meet up with thirty others. We're giving the Republic what it needs in this war, us," I told him, pulling my hair back into a sloppy ponytail. I clipped my three lightsabers onto my belt, my double-bladed lightsaber onto my left side, and my shortsaber and my regular lightsaber onto my back. All three blades a orange-copper color, reflecting my eyes.
Malak sat up and rose from bed. "Sure, whatever you say, Rev," he told me nonchalantly.
I glared at him and pinned him with the look. "Do not ever call me that, only one person is allowed to call me that," I told him fiercely.
Malak merely shrugged. "Hey, I'm just worried we might not be doing the right thing. The Jedi Masters said that they thought the Jedi jumping into the war was a bad idea, who are we to say they're wrong?" he pointed out, pointedly avoiding my look.
"People are dying out there because we chose inaction. If we don't help soon, everyone in the Republic will be a slave and speaking Mando'a," I shot back, slinging my pack over my shoulder. "I know what I'm doing, I'm doing the right thing."
- Knights of the Old Republic: Guilt